The Hiccups
by madwriter223
Summary: Whenever Loki hiccups, he emits small uncontrollable bursts of magic, that change everything in his vicinity. Oi. HUMOR - COMPLETE-
1. Asgardian Feasts vs the Hiccups

**Asgardian Feasts vs. the Hiccups**

.~hiccup~.

Frigga chuckled, and set the bottle on the table.

.~hiccup~.

She gently hefted the baby to lean against her shoulder, then rubbed his back in a soothing circle.

.~hiccup~.

She started patting his back, making shushing sounds, which more mostly drowned out by the noise in the dining hall.

.~hiccup~.

"Is all well, my wife?" Odin asked, leaning towards them.

She smiled at him. "All is well, husband."

.~hiccup~.

"He just drank too fast, that is all."

Odin nodded, and allowed his wife to return her attention to their newest son.

And as Loki was facing the other way, no one noticed the bright purple sparks bursting from his tiny fingers with each hiccup.

..*~*..

.~hiccup~.

Another feast, another case of the hiccups. Frigga bounced the baby in her arms, once again patting his back, when she felt Thor tugging on her sleeve.

"Mother, I don't like fish."

"I know, honey, that's why I gave you-" she glanced at his plate, and did a double take. "Fish. I could've sworn I gave you veal."

"I don't like fish." Thor muttered dejectedly at his plate.

Loki hiccuped in her arms, and she failed to notice several other meals changing into fish.

..*~*..

.~hiccup~.

Odin stared as his wife once again alternated between rubbing and patting Loki's back. "Are you certain he is well? He does this at every feast."

Frigga threw her husband a reproachful look, daring him to question her knowledge of infants again.

"Perhaps it is too much excitement." He offered in lieu of apology.

She accepted it, thankfully. "I should think he'd be used to it by now. We hold a feast every week."

..~hiccup~..

Igr, sitting near the royal couple, did a sudden spit-take of his mead, as did seven other men. Together, they managed to spray a sizable part of both table and food.

Odin scowled at them. "What is the meaning of this?" he demanded.

"My Lord Odin." Tỳr spat at the ground, and rubbed roughly at his mouth. "There is something wrong with the mead."

Odin frowned, and grabbed his goblet, taking a sniff. He promptly winced. "This isn't mead. Servant girl, where are your eyes?"

The girl was staring from the King to the goblets. "I- I don't understand, sire." he finally managed. "When I poured it earlier it was mead, I swear."

"And yet now my goblet is filled with... _this_." he threw the goblet to the floor, the foul liquid spilling onto the golden floor.

"If it helps, it smells like Troll piss." Someone offered from down the table, and Odin blinked.

"Are you certain?"

"It is difficult to forget such a stench."

A lady stood up. "Pardon me, but my goblet is filled with blood."

"Mine tastes like apple juice." Another voice called up.

"Mine burned through the goblet. I think it's eating through the table now."

Odin scowled at all present, then ended the feast early.

All the while, Loki continued to hiccup against his mother's breast.

.*~*.

.~hiccup~.

Thor blinked, and leaned away from his plate. "Mother, my food moved."

Frigga chuckled fondly. "Thor, there is nothing moving on your plate."

"But the leg twitched."

"Nonsense." Odin added, eying his goblet warily. "Perhaps you moved it yourself by accident."

"But-"

"Enough, Thor."

The young prince pouted, and stabbed his chicken with the fork.

.~hiccup~.

The chicken _wailed_. Thor jumped in fright, and smashed his small fist into the creature's head, silencing its cries.

Everyone stared at the young prince, who just shrugged. "I told you it moved."

Very little meat was eaten at that feast.

.*~*.

.~hiccup~.

Odin rubbed at his forehead as yet another servant stepped into a puddle of green _something_ and fell to the floor. This was getting ridiculous.

.~hiccup~.

"It appears we may have a trickster in our midst." he muttered tiredly, watching as yet another tray went sailing through the air.

"Should I order a search, sire?" Svaldigg, the King's chief advisor, asked.

"No. This is magic, however it's obviously uncontrolled. The perpetrator is most assuredly a child."

"We should find it nonetheless." Svaldigg said, staring at the fruit that used to be mutton. "This is most troubling."

.~hiccup~.

Tỳr stood up suddenly, his chair falling to the floor with a loud clatter. He pointed an enraged finger at the Queen's lap, and bellowed "**Jotunn!**"

Frigga blinked in shock and looked down, and it was true. In her lap, Loki indeed looked like a Jotunn. Blue skin and red eyes included. "Wha-"

"It is a Jotunn changeling!" Tỳr continued, taking hold of his sword. "It is the cause of all this chaos!"

.~hiccup~.

Tỳr blanched visibly, and Ingr gaped. "That Jotunn looks like a Dwarf now."

.~hiccup~.

"A dark Elf?"

.~hiccup~.

"Now he's a fox."

.~hiccup~.

Svaldigg scratched at his head. "A pup with two heads?"

.~hiccup~.

Frigga laughed, and lifted her son, turning his around so that she could look into his now golden eyes. "A shape-shifter." She said proudly.

.~hiccup~.

She hugged her son, now once again a Jotunn. "What a Talent our son has, my husband." she beamed at the King, but Odin frowned in thought.

"Shape-shifters usually possess magic."

.~hiccup~.

Since this time everyone's attention was on the princeling, all witnessed the little purple sparks flying from the tiny fingers.

The hog in the middle of the table burst into flames.

"Well, that solves that mystery." The King murmured, giving his youngest son an indulgent smile.

.~hiccup~.

Odin blinked, and the smile slipped from his face. "Wife, what is on my head?"

Frigga bit her lip, staring at what moments before was her husband's helmet. "It appears to be a live goose." she managed to say, and the table's occupants did their best to stifle their laughter.

"Of course it is." Odin had the feeling that life at the royal household was not going to be even remotely normal for many years to come.

An infant magic-user...

"More mead!" The All-father called, lifting his goblet.

.

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A/N: This is an answer to a prompt. Basically, baby Loki's magic gets uncontrollable when he has hiccups. Asgardian life will never be the same.


	2. Asgardian Warriors vs the Hiccups

**Summary:** Many years earlier, Loki has terrible hiccups. Thanks to a crafty spell by Odin, he didn't have them since infancy. Alas, the spell wore off. This time, it's up to Thor and the Warrior Three + Lady Sif to save the day.

**Author's Note:** This is a sequel to Asgardian Feasts vs. the Hiccups. This time, Loki and the gang are teenagers.

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**Asgardian Warriors vs. the Hiccups**

Loki clenched his hands tightly, rage setting firmly across his face. How dare she? Didn't she know this is _training_? And yet she continues to run her mouth, trying to goad him into attacking rashly. Just so she could defeat him quickly, and look good in _someone's_ eyes, the horny bit-

.~hiccup~.

He blinked in surprise. What was that?

.~hiccup~.

There it went again. What the Hell was that?

.~hiccup~.

An odd sensation. Rather unpleasant.

"What is wrong, Loki? Can't attack someone unless their back is turned?" Sif sneered at him, and he scowled at her. He lifted his sword, preparing for a thrust-

.~hiccup~.

The Hell?

.~hiccup~.

Dammit!

"Brother, what is wrong?" Thor asked, walking over to him. The Warrior Three gave each other sidelong glances, and followed after him, Sif joining them after a brief huff.

"It's too distracting." Loki mumbled, lowering his sword in annoyance.

"What is?"

.~hiccup~.

"That."

"Those are just hiccups." Sif scoffed, crossing her arms. "Didn't you ever have hiccups before?"

"No." Loki shrugged. .~hiccup~.

Sif blinked, taken aback. "Oh."

"You used to hiccup a lot when you were a baby." Thor mused thoughtfully. "I kinda remember that."

.~hiccup~.

"And why aren't you training?" Tyr asked gruffly, walking into the arena. "I leave you for five minutes, and you start _gossiping_?"

"Loki has the hiccups!" Thor called back.

Tyr paled slightly. "Are sparks coming out of his fingers?"

.~hiccup~.

"Yes." Loki confirmed in a surprised tone. Tyr paled further, and grabbed the nearest shield.

Fandral blinked at him."What are you doing?"

"I'd duck if I were you." Tyr said, edging back towards the weapon's rack. Just in case.

.~hiccup~.

Sif screamed as her hair turned into fire. Thor and the Warrior Three yelped and rushed forward to put the flames out. Loki stared at his still sparkling fingers, more confused than anything else.

.~hiccup~.

What was left of Sif's hair turned to ice. She breathed heavily for a few moments, then turned enraged eyes to stare at Loki.

Loki wisely took a step back. "I- I didn't meant to."

Sif grabbed her sword, and took a threatening step forward. However, before she could take another step, Tyr snatched the weapon out of her hands. "Quit that. He can't help it."

"HE SET ME ON FIRE!" She screamed in his face. Thor moved to stand in front of his brother.

.~hiccup~.

The shield Tyr was still clutching to his chest turned into a stuffed pink poodle adorned with blue ribbons.

"Whenever he hiccups, he emits small uncontrollable bursts of random magic." The warrior explained with a heavy sigh, staring contemplatively at the poodle. "The results are completely random."

Sif snarled. "I repeat – HE SET ME ON FIRE!"

"It'll grow back." Loki pointed out, then hid back behind Thor when Sif growled at him.

.~hiccup~.

The middle of the arena suddenly sprouted three large oaks.

"Interesting." Hogun commented, staring at a swallow sitting on a branch.

Sif screeched in rage and stalked off.

Tyr watched her go, then nodded to himself. "I'm going to notify the king, and take shelter myself. You three try to cure him of the hiccups of doom." That said, he turned on his heel and left at a high speed that almost wasn't running away.

Volstagg scratched at his stubble. "Maybe he should stand on his head. My mother says that always helps her."

Loki shrugged. "Fine." He did a hand-stand, and stared at the others. "When do I know if it worked?"

.~hiccup~.

"It didn't." Thor said, helping his brother back onto his feet.

"How about scaring him?" Fandral offered.

"I feel I should point out death by Sif didn't scare him."

Loki hiccuped in agreement, and Thor's helmet flew off.

"Huh." Fandral watched as it flew towards the oaks and settled next to a raven. "I wonder if it'll build a nest."

Thor scowled after his run-away head-gear and crossed his arms with a huff.

"Perhaps a glass of water." Hogun offered.

.~hiccup~.

Thor looked up and the gigantic mass of water, fish and frogs included, hovering above the training arena (several hundred miles to the east, lake Avalon turned disturbingly dry).

"That can't be good."

.~hiccup~.

The mass of water fell down, strong waves capturing everyone on the arena and rushing towards the exits and into the city. The water roared down the roads and streets, spreading everywhere it could. It snatched away people, animals and items, turning the entire city of Asgard into utter chaos.

When the waters finally receded a few minutes later Thor, Loki and the Warrior Three stared around themselves, wet, dazed and confused.

"Hey." Loki grinned suddenly, touching his chest. "I think that worked!"

"Great." Thor said shakily, staring at the devastated streets. "That's great."


	3. Avengers vs the Hiccups

A/N: This is the **last part**. I think the title explains all you need.

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**Avengers vs. the Hiccups**

Loki cackled madly as he flew just out of Iron Man's reach. He laughed loudly as he effortlessly avoided the repulsor blasts, howled as Stark cursed at him.

.~hiccup~.

Oh, Godsdammit! Of all the fucking times to-

.~hiccup~.

Loki sighed and teleported himself behind Iron Man. He wrapped his arms and legs around the steel body, clinging to his back with a pout.

"What the Hell are you doing?" Stark demanded, twisting this way and that to get him off.

Loki clung to regardless of his efforts. "It's safer here." he explained morosely.

"Safer from what? And _why_?"

.~hiccup~.

A gigantic dragon appeared before the pair and roared at them.

"That's why." Loki dead-panned.

Stark screamed, and fired his repulsors.

.*~*.

"Um. Tony, are you aware you have a trickster on your back?" Stave asked hesitantly, staring as the suit made its wobbly way towards them. As soon as Iron Man's feet were on the ground, he fell flat against it, Loki jumping nimbly to the side.

"Tony?" Steve hurried to his side, casting small glares at the trickster. Loki shrugged and took a step back, turning to look at his brother.

"Thor. How's your romantic interest in Mjolnir doing these days?"

"Be silent, brother, and speak of what you have done to Tony Stark."

Iron Man mumbled something into the ground, and twitched his armored legs.

"Yo, Stark, you okay?" Hawkeye asked, not lowering the bow he had aimed at Loki.

Steve said the emergency override, and the armor disassembled itself, leaving Tony laying on the ground, blinking blearily at the dirt. "This bed is _so_ not comfy." he muttered, shifting around. "I need a pillow."

The Avengers blinked as one.

"Are you drunk?" Jan asked, crossing her arms. "Tony, how could you?"

"He doesn't smell of alcohol." Steve grasped the smaller man underneath the arm-pits and lifted him off the ground. Tony dangled in the air, and giggled. "I'm tall." he declared, and hiccuped.

Loki agreed with his own hiccup. "I might have done that, sorry."

Thor twitched, and raised Mjolnir to shield his face. "Brother. _No_."

Loki gave his an exasperated look. .~hiccup~. He promptly shifted into his Jotunn form.

Hank raised a scientific eyebrow. "Thor, would you care to explain?"

.~hiccup~. Hawkeye's arrow turned into a very large noodle.

"My brother's magic grows out of control when he hiccups." Thor explained, hunching down protectively. To the side, Hawkeye cursed, and reached for another arrow. Not finding one, he upended his holster, cursing louder when only broth came out.

"Shouldn't we find shelter then?" Steve asked, cradling a bleary eyed Tony against his chest.

"No shelter is enough." Thor said.

.~hiccup~. With a loud CRUNCH, a hole in the ground bigger than the Grand Canyon appeared near them.

Hawkeye blinked. "Maybe he should drink some water."

"NO!" Thor cried, crouching low to the ground.

The Avengers stared at him. Loki chuckled.

"Okay." Jan said slowly, taking a step away from the Thunder God. "Have you tried holding your breath?"

Loki shook his head, and took a deep breath. A minute passed. Two minutes. Thor felt hope swelling in his chest.

.~hiccup~.

Hank's hair turned into an impressive green afro.

"That is _not_ your color." Jan commented after a moment, pursing her lips to hide her snigger.

"Yes, we should definitely find a way to cure this." Hank muttered, touching his hair gingerly, as if afraid it'd bite him.

..~hiccup~..

The Eiffel Tower now stood near the new Grand Canyon.

"And fast." Steve agreed.

.*~*.

"That is fascinating." Dr. Strange commented, eying Loki's fluctuating magical field. "And this happens every time you hiccup?"

"Sometimes he just shape-shifts." Thor offered from his hiding place behind the sofa.

"Interesting. And how do you normally control this?"

"Odin used to spell me not to have hiccups at all." Loki said, twirling his new tail in annoyance. "It wears off every few centuries."

"Can you duplicate it?" Steve asked anxiously. He tried not to shift as the thong that used to be his costume pinched uncomfortably. "Or reverse the effects, possibly?"

"Oh, I can duplicate it." Strange picked up a moldy tome, opening it. "Just give me a moment to find the right spell."

.~hiccup~.

The sofa Thor was hiding behind opened its eyes, mewled pitifully and run away.

"Ah, here we go." Strange weaved the spell around Loki, watching as it settled against his diaphragm, stilling its spasms. "There. That should hold for a year."

Hawkeye groaned. "Only a year?"

"Maybe more, maybe less, depends how the spell reacts to prolonged exposure to Loki's magic."

The trickster nodded his understanding, and waved his hand, reversing the changes his hiccups had caused.

Steve sighed in relief at the return of his costume, Thor stopped cowering, and Hawkeye hugged his arrows. Tony continued to nap in Strange's armchair, though in a less passed out manner, and Hank grinned when he could once again touch the top of his head.

"There, done. Now if you'll excuse me, I have nefarious things to plan."

"Of course." Dr. Strange nodded amicably. "Drop by when the spell wears off again, I'll be happy to repeat it."

"We appreciate it." Thor said gratefully.

"Anytime." Dr. Strange looked at Loki, and chuckled. "Though I have to admit, for somewhat your age, your magic does behave rather... immaturely."

Loki glared at him, and snapped his fingers.

Dr. Strange promptly hiccuped, and his cabinet exploded.

Loki grinned darkly. "Enjoy." he dead-panned, and vanished.

**THE END**


End file.
